Wow, how time flies, yesterday marked 30 years my sister Martha passed away. We weren’t so close but I had a deep desire to have close relationship with her. I remembered the day she was schedule to come home, I was talking and crying to a friend Pam about how much I wanted to have a closer relations with my sister because I thought she could help me in a lot of ways. I remember crying and saying afraid the day that she wants to reach out to me will be the day I will not be there. I remember crying so hard, and couldn’t understand at that moment the reason for my deep cry. She four years older, so I felt if talking and spending with each other she would share advice especially on” The Moment”. She just had a beautiful baby girl in April, her daughter was two months when she died, while was carrying my first son, which would have put out babies right at six months apart. I really wanted to my sister to give my advice on “the moment” when it’s time to have the baby! Well the very day of my deep crying and desiring was the day she died. I remember how they had to tell me. It was part of my life I would never see fulfilled because she passed away before I could even try again. My deep desire of having a good relationship with my sister became a mystery as to “what it could have been”. Our relationship was always distance as far as I can remember. I remember moments when I tried to have fun with her but it never worked out. My brother and I were the close, we were two years apart, but in reality Kenny was everyone’s favorite. That didn’t bother him because it was always moment of laughter when he was around. Going back to Martha, her death put a bitter taste in everyone’s mouth. No one would ever understand why this 22 years old mother will never be seen alive again; she was in Kenosha Wisconsin visiting her new family (in-laws) when she passed away. My brother coming from the Poole received the called, he never enjoy swimming again (that’s my belief) my little sister and Martha were very close, she lost only sister she had. My reason for saying that is (lil bit) and Martha was two of a kind they even looked alike for years although they were 10 years apart their action were the same and yes (lil bit) and I were distant sisters as well. No one knew my silent desire would never be filled.
As I look today, my desire to have a deep relationship with my sister really didn’t die because I still have a desire to have that connection with sisters! However, it gave me deeper hungers for a close relationship with sister in a healthy way. In order to have a healthy relationship, I had to first be healed of rejection from natural sisters. For years, I wondered why I couldn’t keep a strong relation with any sister, a lot of times I was opening doors for rejection and sometimes even abusive relationships. Sometimes I had to learn the hard way, wanting to belong so badly I would be in the company of sisters that were very negative, murmured and complaining about everything and everybody, and if things didn’t go their way, it was a side that you never wanted to see. Then there were times when I let my deep pain, hurt sisters. It took me years to understand, that I needed find out what I liked about myself and how I wanted to be treated as a sisters? I had to learn how to value me and to the one who created me in His image, God. I also had to learn that God doesn’t make ugly junk, but beautiful, uniquely made, fashionable sisters (women).
I am learning, as God’s daughter many things I thought my biological sister didn’t teach, turns out she taught me a lot. Yes, I’m healed today from some things that other sisters may not understand; maybe you have experience or asking yourself the same questions I asked on June 13, 1983, why? Hold on to your Heavenly Father’s hand, He has all the answer to very question.
After learned I pregnant with my second son, I decided I wasn’t going to raise my sons in a distance atmosphere, but close and they grew up very close. They love each other, they didn’t fight or called each other names that made one another feel worthless. I didn’t allow it, when they fell out with one another; I made them make up quickly. They are like night and day, one son has a sharp tongue and the other one is so quiet but both will tell you the truth. They were so close until when they got in trouble together, they kept me out of it, and some of it was some serious trouble! I had to find out from the police, make me want to shake my head just thinking about it. However they could talk to one another and that’s was something I didn’t have with my sisters. For years in my adult life, I thought I was the ugliest woman on earth that’s because it was said to me so much by my sisters and brother growing up, believe it or not that was the biggest thing that stuck out in my child that I could remember.
Healing began in my mom two or three years ago, but for my sister and brother I believe still struggle with my sister’s death mostly around your death time and her birthday. I feel the words she spoke so often are what haunted my family for years. The words were, “When I leave here, I’m never coming back! She spoke those words when she couldn’t have her way about something, just unhappy with something or herself, I guess, I really don’t know why. But they became more often in her teenage years. Needless to say this trip she made to Wisconsin was the time she never came back. In a lot of lessons I learned this became very important to me, be mindful the words that you speak, even when you are angry or upset about something. Our not understanding will sometime get us upset and saying things just because it’s convenient for that moment when those the words are hurtful, full of hate and sometimes deceit. A lot of people don’t get a second chance to apologize for the harsh words spoken or forgive and make amends. Therefore keep in mind before you walk out the door or hang the phone up, all is well on both ends. I pray something in this story/testimony will help realize that words we speak do have power, also this story/testimony will minister healing and restoration in your life from something you experience.
God will give you the healing that’s needed in your life in the time that you are ready for healing to take place. I do believe that some healings manifest when we are open to receive the healing and the person who are used to open the path way for your healing to begin. I am open and there is always room for more healing in me. Jesus came to restore His brothers and sisters back to the Father, are you ready for the restoration to begin in your life.
I wrote more about this story/testimony in a book entitled, “Between Sisters” look for it to be published for sell in Spring 2014
M. Louise Miles