As I look today, my desire to have a deep relationship with my sister really didn’t die because I still have a desire to have that connection with sisters! However, it gave me deeper hungers for a close relationship with sister in a healthy way. In order to have a healthy relationship, I had to first be healed of rejection from natural sisters. For years, I wondered why I couldn’t keep a strong relation with any sister, a lot of times I was opening doors for rejection and sometimes even abusive relationships. Sometimes I had to learn the hard way, wanting to belong so badly I would be in the company of sisters that were very negative, murmured and complaining about everything and everybody, and if things didn’t go their way, it was a side that you never wanted to see. Then there were times when I let my deep pain, hurt sisters. It took me years to understand, that I needed find out what I liked about myself and how I wanted to be treated as a sisters? I had to learn how to value me and to the one who created me in His image, God. I also had to learn that God doesn’t make ugly junk, but beautiful, uniquely made, fashionable sisters (women).
I am learning, as God’s daughter many things I thought my biological sister didn’t teach, turns out she taught me a lot. Yes, I’m healed today from some things that other sisters may not understand; maybe you have experience or asking yourself the same questions I asked on June 13, 1983, why? Hold on to your Heavenly Father’s hand, He has all the answer to very question.
After learned I pregnant with my second son, I decided I wasn’t going to raise my sons in a distance atmosphere, but close and they grew up very close. They love each other, they didn’t fight or called each other names that made one another feel worthless. I didn’t allow it, when they fell out with one another; I made them make up quickly. They are like night and day, one son has a sharp tongue and the other one is so quiet but both will tell you the truth. They were so close until when they got in trouble together, they kept me out of it, and some of it was some serious trouble! I had to find out from the police, make me want to shake my head just thinking about it. However they could talk to one another and that’s was something I didn’t have with my sisters. For years in my adult life, I thought I was the ugliest woman on earth that’s because it was said to me so much by my sisters and brother growing up, believe it or not that was the biggest thing that stuck out in my child that I could remember.
Healing began in my mom two or three years ago, but for my sister and brother I believe still struggle with my sister’s death mostly around your death time and her birthday. I feel the words she spoke so often are what haunted my family for years. The words were, “When I leave here, I’m never coming back! She spoke those words when she couldn’t have her way about something, just unhappy with something or herself, I guess, I really don’t know why. But they became more often in her teenage years. Needless to say this trip she made to Wisconsin was the time she never came back. In a lot of lessons I learned this became very important to me, be mindful the words that you speak, even when you are angry or upset about something. Our not understanding will sometime get us upset and saying things just because it’s convenient for that moment when those the words are hurtful, full of hate and sometimes deceit. A lot of people don’t get a second chance to apologize for the harsh words spoken or forgive and make amends. Therefore keep in mind before you walk out the door or hang the phone up, all is well on both ends. I pray something in this story/testimony will help realize that words we speak do have power, also this story/testimony will minister healing and restoration in your life from something you experience.
God will give you the healing that’s needed in your life in the time that you are ready for healing to take place. I do believe that some healings manifest when we are open to receive the healing and the person who are used to open the path way for your healing to begin. I am open and there is always room for more healing in me. Jesus came to restore His brothers and sisters back to the Father, are you ready for the restoration to begin in your life.
I wrote more about this story/testimony in a book entitled, “Between Sisters” look for it to be published for sell in Spring 2014
M. Louise Miles