Healing in the Passing

Wow, how time flies, yesterday marked 30 years my sister Martha passed away. We weren’t so close but I had a deep desire to have close relationship with her. I remembered the day she was schedule to come home, I was talking and crying to a friend Pam about how much I wanted to have a closer relations with my sister because I thought she could help me in a lot of ways. I remember crying and saying afraid the day that she wants to reach out to me will be the day I will not be there. I remember crying so hard, and couldn’t understand at that moment the reason for my deep cry. She four years older, so I felt if talking and spending with each other she would share advice especially on” The Moment”. She just had a beautiful baby girl in April, her daughter was two months when she died, while was carrying my first son, which would have put out babies right at six months apart. I really wanted to my sister to give my advice on “the moment” when it’s time to have the baby! Well the very day of my deep crying and desiring was the day she died. I remember how they had to tell me. It was part of my life I would never see fulfilled because she passed away before I could even try again. My deep desire of having a good relationship with my sister became a mystery as to “what it could have been”. Our relationship was always distance as far as I can remember. I remember moments when I tried to have fun with her but it never worked out. My brother and I were the close, we were two years apart, but in reality Kenny was everyone’s favorite. That didn’t bother him because it was always moment of laughter when he was around. Going back to Martha, her death put a bitter taste in everyone’s mouth. No one would ever understand why this 22 years old mother will never be seen alive again; she was in Kenosha Wisconsin visiting her new family (in-laws) when she passed away. My brother coming from the Poole received the called, he never enjoy swimming again (that’s my belief) my little sister and Martha were very close, she lost only sister she had. My reason for saying that is (lil bit) and Martha was two of a kind they even looked alike for years although they were  10 years apart their action were the same and yes (lil bit) and I were distant sisters as well. No one knew my silent desire would never be filled.

As I look today, my desire to have a deep relationship with my sister really didn’t die because I still have a desire to have that connection with sisters! However, it gave me deeper hungers for a close relationship with sister in a healthy way.  In order to have a healthy relationship, I had to first be healed of rejection from natural sisters. For years, I wondered why I couldn’t keep a strong relation with any sister, a lot of times I was opening doors for rejection and sometimes even abusive relationships. Sometimes I had to learn the hard way, wanting to belong so badly I would be in the company of sisters that were very negative, murmured and complaining about everything and everybody, and if things didn’t go their way, it was a side that you never wanted to see.  Then there were times when I let my deep pain, hurt sisters.  It took me years to understand, that I needed find out what I liked about myself and how I wanted to be treated as a sisters? I had to learn how to value me and to the one who created me in His image, God. I also had to learn that God doesn’t make ugly junk, but beautiful, uniquely made, fashionable sisters (women).

I am learning, as God’s daughter many things I thought my biological sister didn’t teach, turns out she taught me a lot. Yes, I’m healed today from some things that other sisters may not understand; maybe you have experience or asking yourself the same questions I asked on June 13, 1983, why? Hold on to your Heavenly Father’s hand, He has all the answer to very question.

After learned I pregnant with my second son, I decided I wasn’t going to raise my sons in a  distance atmosphere, but close and they grew up very close. They love each other, they didn’t fight or called each other names that made one another feel worthless. I didn’t allow it, when they fell out with one another; I made them make up quickly. They are like night and day, one son has a sharp tongue and the other one is so quiet but both will tell you the truth. They were so close until when they got in trouble together, they kept me out of it, and some of it was some serious trouble! I had to find out from the police, make me want to shake my head just thinking about it. However they could talk to one another and that’s was something I didn’t have with my sisters. For years in my adult life, I thought I was the ugliest woman on earth that’s because it was said to me so much by my sisters and brother growing up, believe it or not that was the biggest thing that stuck out in my child that I could remember.

Healing began in my mom two or three years ago, but for my sister and brother I believe still struggle with my sister’s death mostly around your death time and her birthday. I feel the words she spoke so often are what haunted my family for years.  The words were, “When I leave here, I’m never coming back! She spoke those words when she couldn’t have her way about something, just unhappy with something or herself, I guess, I really don’t know why. But they became more often in her teenage years. Needless to say this trip she made to Wisconsin was the time she never came back. In a lot of lessons I learned this became very important to me, be mindful the words that you speak, even when you are angry or upset about something. Our not understanding will sometime get us upset and saying things just because it’s convenient for that moment when those the words are hurtful, full of hate and sometimes deceit. A lot of people don’t get a second chance to apologize for the harsh words spoken or forgive and make amends. Therefore keep in mind before you walk out the door or hang the phone up, all is well on both ends.  I pray something in this story/testimony will help realize that words we speak do have power, also this story/testimony will minister healing and restoration in your life from something you experience.

God will give you the healing that’s needed in your life in the time that you are ready for healing to take place. I do believe that some healings manifest when we are open to receive the healing and the person who are used to open the path way for your healing to begin. I am open and there is always room for more healing in me. Jesus came to restore His brothers and sisters back to the Father, are you ready for the restoration to begin in your life.

I wrote more about this story/testimony in a book entitled, “Between Sisters” look for it to be published for sell in Spring 2014

Stay Blessed!

M. Louise Miles


Author: Marian Louise

Marian Louise, Author and writer! The Founder of the Healing Press, a writing ministry designs to minister healing. Through these inspired writing, real life testimonies, people are healed and set free. Through these writings it’s a desire that no age be left out but that healing reach all ages; The Healing Press is design to minister to the spirit, mind, body, heart and soul. The Healing Press was started in the spring of 2003. At the birthing of The Healing Press, a website was active displaying various pages that included testimonies, short stories and useful information that ranged from marriages, Overcoming Life Issues, Singleness, and the ongoing search for location and areas where the WATCH program come to life. The WATCH program is the children’s program that is design for afterschool or summer program. The WATCH program was design to help children and parents that cannot afford other Children Programs. WATCH also desires to give children the valuable lesson in understanding responsibilities as they grow into adolescent and adulthood. WATCH program do believe in Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. In October 28, 2009, Marian Louise was Ordain as Pastor under Apostle Gene Hall and Kingdom Life Ministries Inc. of Savannah GA. Kingdom Life Ministries, Inc. "The Life Center" 12B Chatham Center South Drive, Savannah, GA 31405 Marian Louise felt the Lord leading her outside the four walls, and because Marian Louise is an overcomer of various addictions, with faith and courage she allow the Lord to direct her steps to Low-Income Areas helping them in various ways. She desires to see various churches come together and help the Low-Income communities by showing them the love of God with acts of kindness and helping them to see that God loves them no matter what. Mean Things: Showing them true love without an agenda! Let the individual soul make the discussion for them. Deuteronomy 30: 19 I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; Teaching them to have a relationship with the Father so that they will be able to make the right choice for themselves and their children. In June 2010 an Outreach Ministry was birth out of Marian Louise, entitle Ministering Life. This ministry was design to live out John 10:10 (b) phrases, Jesus came that we have life and life more abundantly. “Ministering the Life” of Jesus to all those who don’t know Him. With compassionate chose few, this ministry will be able to reach out to those who desire to live a better life but has no knowledge of doing so. “Ministering Life” desire is reach into the Low Income areas and work with young mothers or families who are feeling that they are by themselves and are losing hope. Helping those who think they would never see the light of Jesus shine upon them. “Ministering Life” wants to show them to a Father that loves them unconditional and all hope is not lost. Help them develop a relationship with the Lord and they will see Him as their Lord, their God.

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